The ParaMatriDox

Okay so I'm sure all of you have seen The Matrix. I'm talking about the first one, not the other two poor excuses that were supposed to be considered a sequel. Now you all know how Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) gives Neo (Keanu Reeves, duh) the choice of choosing reality (escaping from the fabricated world that is "The Matrix") or staying in the Matrix by taking either the red or blue pill. Of course, the movie wouldn't be a movie had he taken the blue pill. So our prophecied chosen one swallowed the red pill, thus plunging him into the harsh reality where mechanic organisms harvest humans for energy and a rebel society plots a massive battle against their robotic enemies in order to take back their beloved planet (or world or whatever).

When Neo takes the red pill he is now awaken in the "real world", where he finds himself in a gooey sperm filled pod that is attached to one of hundreds of towers holding other pods (also filled with humans). He looks around him and then a Machine comes and checks him out, sees that he's Keanu and probably realizes that it doesn't like his movies, and flushes him. Then as Neo's floating around in a sewer somewhere (I didn't know robots can produce excrement), the crew of the Nebukadnezar pick him up and start training him. Here's the question:

Why does he get released by the Machines?

According to the storyline, humans get freed all the time, going through the same experience as Neo did when he got flushed down the toilet. It happened to the whole crew of the Nebukadnezar. So when they get "freed", WHY do they get freed? Ya get what I mean? Imagine this: you're my friend and you're in prison. I wanna get you out but I can't because obviously I hate the guards and they hate me (and the guards also hate the human prisoners). So all of a sudden, the guard just lets you (my friend) out of his cell and flushes you down the toilet and then I just happen to be standing outside of the prison walls waiting for you. Why the hell didn't the guard just kill you (my friend) instead of letting you out for no damn good reason??? I mean obviously there's a war going on between the Machines and the humans, so what the hell?!

This was bothering me all last night as I was watching The Matrix on HBO (and in HD thanks to my new Sony Bravia, suh-weet). I just hate little things like that that get by in movies. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way a dominMatrix who gets a huge boner over the movies, but I just thought I would pose this question. If anybody has any good insight as to WHY the damn Machines let Neo out of their posession, then please, do tell.

New Slang

There's a new condition in town folks, well, it's not so much a new condition for me, nor it shouldn't be for you. But me (and my buddy Stephen) will be the firsts to coin the term. You'll know what I mean when I explain it.

You ever go to a party or go on a trip or whatever and you just have the most blastiest time of your life? I mean, it was balls to the walls rad ass and you just can't get over all the memories (or whatever you CAN remember) that were made that night/weekend? You wake up the next morning and you're hungover. But there's something else you're feeling too, and you just can't put your finger on it. You're groggy. You don't want to do anything. Last night's fiesta has completely drained you physically and emotionally. You just want to lay in bed all day and think about all the fun things that happened. You don't want to talk to anybody. You don't wanna eat anything. If you or anybody you know has experienced this feeling, then my friends, you are not alone. This is called "Post Party Depression".

How do you treat PPD? Well, doctors and psychologists have not yet found the remedy for this new condition but are feverishly working on the next miracle drug to cure it. So far, the only thing that can be suggested to help you get over this ailment is to just try your hardest to look forward to the next day. Some of the reasons for PPD go as follows:

A) You have no other party/trip to look forward to for the next couple of months or year

B) You may have something to look forward to but what you did last night or over the weekend was such a kick ass time that you know nothing will amount to it in a really long time.

It's not hard to grasp folks. It was on the tip of your tongue the whole time and you just needed someone to give it a name. Well there you have it. The next time your friend asks you "Dude, what's wrong with you? You didn't have a good time last night or what?" You can answer (as a tear slowly crawls down your cheek) "No man...I had the best time last night. It was so...beautiful. So...pure. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I don't know what to do with myself. I have...Post Party Depression." (end scene)

Ready, FIGHT!

I am absolutely ecstatic for this game. Yes, the picture you see is an IN-GAME shot. Not a cartoon. Like any other male that's been born in the 80's (and beyond) I've been fighting the good fight against Bison since Street Fighter II's inception in 1991. Ever since then there's been a shit ton of variations of the game and even a Street Fighter III that came out. That one was alright. The art direction was pretty standard although the animation was very smooth and I'm sure the fighting controls had changed slightly (but I'm not that big of a nerd yet to notice those minor/major differences). BUT NOW! But now, Street Fighter IV is out and it looks abs-freakin-lutely boneriffic! I mean, it looks like you're playing a cartoon. It uses 3D rendering in a 2D world. I guess you'd have to play it to understand. Me and my brother were at Comicon in San Diego last year and they had Street Fighter IV arcade games that you can test out but, alas, we never made it to the front of the line (and some Guile impersonator stole the last Ryu headband they were giving out). Anyways...I just thought I'd step away from all the other nonsense and become a child again by expressing my love for this game (which I haven't played yet). Enjoy your Friday (to the 1 or 2 people that follow this blog.)

...Like There's No Tomorrow

Yeah! I got a crazy idea folks! You wanna hear it? Let's "live life like there's no tomorrow"! How about it? Who's in? You in? Fuck yeah!

How about, no. How about you just say that you "live life like there's no tomorrow" and still stay the same mundane boring ass person that you originally were. You ever get that? People that you meet or know and they say "yeah man, totally live life like you're gonna die tomorrow, cuz' you never know when your time is up!" Have you ever observed these people? Like follow them around on the weekdays (I know, that's kind of creepy, but I'm trying to prove a point here)? You ever see what they do? Yeah, all they do is wake up, go to school or work and that's it. Doesn't really sound like you're living life to me, Bro/braseph. Sounds like you're just like everybody else in this world who has a routine.

I find that people who say these things are usually people who believe they're edgy. That they have something "different" to say. Or maybe that they try to be different and say the most "edgiest" thing they can think of, and that would be the aforementioned mantra of the day. But in all actuality, these people are just as boring as the next person. You don't see them going bungee jumping, or skydiving or doing some type of life-endangering activity that will make you feel alive. All they do is just get completely shit-faced at some party, wake up the next day and say "man, I got so smashed last night" while thinking "so...did I really live life last night or what?"

Stop saying these things, you assholes. If you're gonna live, just fucking live. You don't need to proclaim that you're more crazier than the next person. Just do it. Besides, by you saying those words is like saying "hey, look at me, I'm fuckin' nutballzzz and I don't care about common daily life cuz' I'm above that you washed up hippies with your routines and chores!" Live life for yourself is what I'm saying. By you saying those things just shows that you're nothing. You're scared of being yourself. You're scared of what people might think of you if you don't say anything. Fuck 'em. You wanna be edgy? You wanna be something? Be you. Don't try to be like everybody else who's "living life to the fullest". Live YOUR life. How YOU want to do it. And if you die tomorrow, so be it. You can't anticipate what's coming around the corner. It's your life people, it's too short to try to be like someone else.

Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go "party like a rockstar". Man, I hate that phrase...that will be for another topic in the near future. Haha.

Hey, Big Boy...

This will be my first blog, I guess. I suppose the only topic I can bring up for discussion or worth any train of thought is my recent realization about social life...

If you know me, then you would know that everytime I go out, I get hit on. It's no surprise. I'm not that bad looking of a guy and sometimes I can be a bit more charming than usual (conceited, I know). I've been complimented on my style on numerous occasions, so really, I'm no stranger to being picked up on. Now you may, at this point, say one of two things (depending on what you're rocking under your pants): "Dude, you're so lucky and I want to punch you in the face" or "Ugh, get over yourself d-bag". That's all fine and dandy, but lemme finish what I was going to say. I get hit on yes. But the question is, WHOM do I get hit on by? The answer? Men. I get hit on all the time by men.

Oh, I can hear you giggling and snickering at this point, but it's true. Here's the disclaimer: I'm straight. Personally, I really don't mind it. It's a compliment. Call me an attention whore, that's fine. I like the attention. It's funny to see a man try to spit game at me. I'm not gonna argue with anybody who thinks I'm good looking (or better yet wants to take me home with them). It's all fun and games and it's even more fun if you get a free drink out of it (what a prostitute I am).

I've always tried to figure out why guys hit on me all the time. No matter where I'm at or what time of the day it is, a guy always finds the time to hit me up. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, but seriously, it's mostly when I go out on the weekends or to shows or whatever. I think to myself "Shit, do I dress like half a gay or something?" I ask everybody I know, and the only answer they can say is "You dress a little bit better than the average normal guy". Well, it's good to know it's not because I'm rocking ripped denim daisy dukes and a half cut sleeveless shirt. What is it then? What is it that draws men to me, or makes them think it's okay to come and hit on me? Is it my mannerisms? Do I ooze homosexuality in my body language? Whaddaya say friends? "No, I don't notice anything." Well what the hell is it? One person said "Guys have no shame". Then it got me thinking...

It's true. When you go out, who is it that always makes the first move? The guy (it doesn't help that he's got some liquid courage in him either). So, that answers PART of that. So I guess the new remodified question is: Why gay guys and not girls? I kept asking myself this question and finally, I found my answer. All I had to do was look at who I was hanging out with all the time when I go out: girls. 90% of my company consists of the opposite sex. Now, I'm not trying to be all into myself here and saying "Oh yeah man, I got a harem behind me everywhere I go". No, it just so happens that most of my best friends are women (this will probably be another topic for another time). So here's a three part answer that I came up with for my own dilemma. When girls see me hanging out with a group of women, they won't feel compelled to come and talk to me because...

1. Girls might automatically assume that I'm currently dating one of the ladies in my social circle, so they write me off as untouchable.


2. Girls naturally don't like other girls (especially at places like a bar, show, theater, bathroom etc.). So it would be completely awkward for a girl to walk into a middle of a group of women to talk to the male, because as we all know, the rest of the women in the group would sit there and sneer and pass judgement as quick as a fart. So no girl wants to put themselves through that bull. And...


3. The only guys who can successfully pull off a multiple friendship with other women are, *ahem* gay guys. So, in a girl's eyes, I MUST be gay if I'm hanging out with all these females.


4. Or they're actually just not that into me.

So, that is the realization that I've come to. I am meat in some men's eyes and I am meat-for-men in some women's eyes. Now...all this talk applies to people actually physically seeing me. Because the other day I was working and a man calls in. By the end of the call I ask "So, is there anything else I can help you with Mr. Bob Customer?", the guy says, "No, but Anthony, can I just say you have the sexiest voice..." WHAT THE HELL DO I SAY TO THAT? Even when gays can't see me they sense the gayness! Gahhh, it's alright. You'd probably say that too if you heard me on the phone. But to prove that both sexes agree, I once had a call where a woman said I sounded very cute and wanted to come see me. So...that right there cancels out the theory of me being attractive to men only (regardless if they can see me or not).

So what do I do? Nothing. No harm no foul right? Who cares if women don't come up to me at a bar. If you're too scared because I look too interesting, then I don't wanna talk to you anyway. At this point, I don't care who comes up to me. Just buy me a drink next time and I'll be your friend, sans the blow J.